I hate to make so much of Jayen's struggles about me. I hate that I feel this way. I don't ever want him to feel like a burden, but I can't keep doing this. I can't keep draining everything I have to make sure he is getting everything he needs. Today was too much! After dropping the boys off at school, we rushed home to grab our stuff for the gym. I've been trying to make it a routine to take better care of myself. We rushed home after the gym to get lunch before rushing to get gas before Matt left for work, then rushed home to shower, put Brilyn down for a nap, get ready for the rest of the day, rush to pick Jayen up from school, rush to therapy, rush home to get Dalan, rush to school for curriculum night, rush from one teacher's room to the next, rush to get to the last buddy bowling, rush home to finish homework, rush to get kids in bed. I'm so exhausted. My head is spinning.
I hate that I felt like I couldn't give my best to anything because I was stretched so thin. I lost my patience with the kids on numerous occasions. I couldn't give any attention to friends I haven't talked to in a while. I couldn't do anything but try to survive and get through all of it. I failed today. I failed and I can't even say that tomorrow is another day and will be better, because tomorrow starts the rat race all over again. Rush to school, rush to drop Brilyn off, rush to the gym, rush to pick Brilyn up, rush to get her lunch, rush to put her in bed, rush to pick up Jayen, rush to therapy, rush home, etc.
I can't balance it all.
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