Tomorrow is supposed to be the day the surgical conference is meeting to discuss the possibility of Jayen having brain surgery to remove his polymicrogryia. I am not ready for the answer, but I am anxiously waiting for the answer. Tonight I had a very disturbing conversation with a very curious and worried brother. Dalan must have overheard us talking about Jayen and the possibility of surgery. He asked me if Jayen was going to have it or not. I told him we would have to see tomorrow, but wasn't sure if he really understood his own question. When I asked him if he knew what surgery was, he shyly answered no. My response might have been overwhelming. The doctors want to cut open Jayen's head and take out part of his brain that isn't working. His eyes brows raised and his eyes started to gloss over. It took him a couple minutes to ask the next question. I wasn't prepared for what he was going to ask. "Mommy, is Jayen going to die?" Oh Shit! Where do I go with this answer? How do I teach a 6 year-old the complications of surgery? Do I even tell him that is a possibility? My answer just spilled out of my mouth and I'm not sure my brain even put it all together. I responded that and surgery has complications and some people could die from surgery, but Jayen has great doctors and they are confident they can help Jayen without letting him die.
I'm so worried about our decision. I'm so worried about the outcome. I'm just so worried. Not sure I'll sleep tonight. Hope they call tomorrow!
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