Seeing is believing

I'm so sad that I now have to believe that Jayen is still having seizures. The two seizures he had previously had were both when he was with daddy and I wasn't around to see them, but that had to change this morning. The kids were all getting ready for school while I was making breakfast when suddenly Jayen fell to the floor and hit his head. I was more worried about him hitting his head and wasn't paying as much attention to his eyes as I should have. I scooped him up into my arms and tried soothing him. When I looked down into his eyes my heart sunk to the floor. Jayen's eyes were getting larger then smaller then larger then smaller. I didn't want to believe at first what I knew was happening. I didn't want it to be true. I didn't want to see these damn things any more. I wanted them gone now and I want them gone forever! It didn't last long and I didn't have to administer diastat. He was a little uncoordinated but otherwise seemed fine. I on the other hand was not. Why did we just go through all of this? Why is this part of Jayen's life? What is going to stop these things? I'm mom and I'm supposed to have these magical kisses to fix all boo boo's and I just don't know where to get them from. If anyone has any extra magical kisses please send them my way. We might need a few to fix all of us.